Livingston got my vote, but slow it down. Look back at how Geoff does it in the video (I dont have it, but from what I saw from his lecture, it was slow) and see how fluid it is. Yes your way was visual, but you want it to sink in. Slowing it down will definatley hit harder.
Sidekick-SOME sort of patter would be helpful, I had no idea what was going on, sorry.
Your boy,
Fez