What do you think of this trick I put together?

[Maze]

No video since no camera, I'll try borrow one, but I'd like to hear what you think of what I made up the other day.
As we know, most tricks work the same way, either with forces or controls, and what makes the difference is the story that you put along with it, so here's my idea, which can be performed on one person or two, since it involves two cards.

Deck is shuffled, and spectator freely picks a card, let's say the jack of clubs, I tell him that this card is going to be kidnapped, he remembers it and I lose it back into the deck and shuffle. I then explain that in an investigation evidence is needed in order to solve the mystery or find what's been lost, so I have the spectator chose another card which will be used as evidence- let's say the four of diamonds, we put that back into the deck and I lose it once again.
Now it's my turn to get to work, and I explain that I am the detective, and it's my job to find the kidnapped card, to do so I look through the deck face down and find the second card, the evidence card, and turn it over saying that some evidence turned up. And then explain that the four of diamonds, the evidence, points to the fact that the kidnapped card is fourth from the bottom of the deck, and so we deal off three, turn over the forth to reveal their jack of clubs.​

I'm sure you can figure out how to do this, what I am proud of in this trick is the multiple controls going on which convince the spectator that both cards have to be lost, and the entertaining patter storyline.
I would like to hear your thoughts very much, I'll try to make a video of it later this week too.

 

[Justin.Morris]

I like the storyline theme, In fact you could build a routine off of this.
I think it is a good start, but there needs to be more. Perhaps more direct audience involvement would make a simple trick more impactful.
The only thing I don't understand is the motivation for losing the four back into the pack only to pull it out again. Perhaps if they chose three cards "at random" and you shuffled between each (maintaining the position of the original chosen card) Then you added up the three values (ie: ace + 6 + 4 = 11) and their card was that deep in the pack. (Perhaps even a pack that they have shuffled already???)

I dunno, just some thoughts. Good job so far!

j

 

[praetoritevong]

Hmm. In terms of storyline, a detective card isn't uncommon, but yeah it works I guess. I dunno if I'd buy it, but jt's right about motivation, you've lost the evidence card in the deck for the sake of finding evidence? I can see how it's linked but it's a little dodgy at the moment.

Effect wise it kinda reminds me of a not-as-good version of Three Kings in The Paper Engine - a card (say KS) is chosen and lost, four cards are presented as treasure maps, spec selects one, it turns out to be 4D, which means the chosen KS is the fourth card from the top. The kicker is that the remaining three treasure map cards are the other three kings. I think jt is right, there just needs to be an extra something. Counting down four cards by itself is just a little "meh" and I don't think it'll be incredibly impressive as it is.

 

[Maze]

The idea is that in the first stage the spectator choses the cards and 'sets-up the crime scene' and then in the second part I have to find the card.
I seperated it into two paragraphs in the first post now, to make it a little more clear.