An Open Letter To JB - The Girl
- Thread starter Dana Hocking
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Dana and WAyne, you guys should seriously make an eHarmony account for him, I mean in the ad it specifically said "....do you scan Noxima Ads, and send the picture to your friends telling them that it's your girlfriend? Are you feeling lonely? Are your initials JB? Do you do magic? If this is all you you should urgently go to eHarmony.com, call for a free trial" I will underliune urgently "urgently" listen to them already.
PS: JB I think Wayne asked Dana to help him get back at you for the Waynadrobe, listen to these words of wisdom JB (haha JB thats just like from Tenacious D Pick of Destiny) "Look before you leap" and "What goes around, come around"
PS: JB I think Wayne asked Dana to help him get back at you for the Waynadrobe, listen to these words of wisdom JB (haha JB thats just like from Tenacious D Pick of Destiny) "Look before you leap" and "What goes around, come around"
I have to say, I'm with Dana, Wayne, and Danny on this one. I've known JB for quite a while now and not once have I seen even a picture of this supposed "girlfriend". I assume this is because he lost the initial picture he downloaded from Proactive, or Noxema, or Maxim, or a JC Penny's ad, or where ever-- and he likes to be consistent, especially with imaginary girlfriends and the like. Nonetheless, I attempted to investigate further tonight... to reveal the truth behind this whole situation. I call it "To Catch a Bayme". Minus Chris Hansen.
Aside from Danny's "DaBayme Code"-- which I've personally been deciphering for years-- JB sent me a promo video that, allegedly, his girlfriend was a part of. But I still have my doubts, and here's why...
1. There were six girls in the video, but they all looked identical. Clones? Not stating it as fact, but certainly throwing it out there.
2. I asked JB which was his girlfriend, and he replied "stage left-ish." I said, "My viewing left or the left of the stage?" He said, "the only left there is." I was highly confused, so I inquired again-- "Which left?" To which he replied, "Figure it out."
At this point, my Randi level reached Maroon. And as we all know "Maroon" is the worst on the Randi Scale.
3. He finally told me which one of the six clones... er, robots... er, "humans" she was, but I was still thoroughly confused. Anyway, the point is he's definitely lying. Why? Because the correct answer isn't "this girl is" or "that girl is". The correct answer should have been: "All of them are." What kind of "illusionist"-- or "baller" for that matter-- is he?
Okay, Casanova. We believe you. Yes. You have a girlfriend.
Aside from Danny's "DaBayme Code"-- which I've personally been deciphering for years-- JB sent me a promo video that, allegedly, his girlfriend was a part of. But I still have my doubts, and here's why...
1. There were six girls in the video, but they all looked identical. Clones? Not stating it as fact, but certainly throwing it out there.
2. I asked JB which was his girlfriend, and he replied "stage left-ish." I said, "My viewing left or the left of the stage?" He said, "the only left there is." I was highly confused, so I inquired again-- "Which left?" To which he replied, "Figure it out."
At this point, my Randi level reached Maroon. And as we all know "Maroon" is the worst on the Randi Scale.
3. He finally told me which one of the six clones... er, robots... er, "humans" she was, but I was still thoroughly confused. Anyway, the point is he's definitely lying. Why? Because the correct answer isn't "this girl is" or "that girl is". The correct answer should have been: "All of them are." What kind of "illusionist"-- or "baller" for that matter-- is he?
Okay, Casanova. We believe you. Yes. You have a girlfriend.
Well...
JB says his "girlfriend's" name is "KATIE"... coincidence? lack of creativity?
You be the judge.
KATIE Egleston
JB says his "girlfriend's" name is "KATIE"... coincidence? lack of creativity?
You be the judge.
KATIE Egleston
Dearest Dana, Danny, and Raiker, et. al,
See attached. I'm surprised Dana did not recognize the city of Milan in this pictures, as he has traveled the world extensively over the past decade. And by the world, I mean the space between his living room, kitchen, bathroom, and bedroom. Some fun facts about Dana:
1. He sleeps in a King Sized bed. Not because he is a king, but because it was the only bed that would accommodate Dana and his extensive collection of stuffed animals and beanie babies. And both of his parents. And his brother Bilo.
2. Every night at 11pm, he sits back in bed and watches Wayne's World, as, in truth, it is Dana's goal to create a real, live Wayne's World where Wayne and Dana can skip through the meadows day and night and drink hot chocolate from a giant mug with two curly straws, sing oldies songs, and do the chicken dance.
3. Each day at 7:00am, Dana sneaks into Wayne's bedroom and then wakes him up to an acoustic rendition of "You've Got a Friend" by James Taylor at 7:30am on the dot. What does he do in the 30 minutes between those times? He watches Wayne sleep.
4. Dana's real name isn't Dana. It's Jennifer. He changed it to Dana when he was nine because, and I quote, "I want a manly name. Jennifer is a girl's name! Can my name be Danielle?" I told him no, so we met in the middle at "Dana."
5. When Dana was twelve... he stopped breastfeeding. The reason? Wayne had developed permanent scars on his chest.
I hereby dedicate December 6th to be Dana Hocking Day. Every year. As long as that year is 2007. Okay, basically just today.
_
See attached. I'm surprised Dana did not recognize the city of Milan in this pictures, as he has traveled the world extensively over the past decade. And by the world, I mean the space between his living room, kitchen, bathroom, and bedroom. Some fun facts about Dana:
1. He sleeps in a King Sized bed. Not because he is a king, but because it was the only bed that would accommodate Dana and his extensive collection of stuffed animals and beanie babies. And both of his parents. And his brother Bilo.
2. Every night at 11pm, he sits back in bed and watches Wayne's World, as, in truth, it is Dana's goal to create a real, live Wayne's World where Wayne and Dana can skip through the meadows day and night and drink hot chocolate from a giant mug with two curly straws, sing oldies songs, and do the chicken dance.
3. Each day at 7:00am, Dana sneaks into Wayne's bedroom and then wakes him up to an acoustic rendition of "You've Got a Friend" by James Taylor at 7:30am on the dot. What does he do in the 30 minutes between those times? He watches Wayne sleep.
4. Dana's real name isn't Dana. It's Jennifer. He changed it to Dana when he was nine because, and I quote, "I want a manly name. Jennifer is a girl's name! Can my name be Danielle?" I told him no, so we met in the middle at "Dana."
5. When Dana was twelve... he stopped breastfeeding. The reason? Wayne had developed permanent scars on his chest.
I hereby dedicate December 6th to be Dana Hocking Day. Every year. As long as that year is 2007. Okay, basically just today.
_
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Hah!
I knew he must have a girlfriend. It just didn't seem quite right for him not to. JB...I do have one question for you. Is this just coincidence or do all girls that are named Katie uber pretty? She's a looker. So, congrats...even if your relationship with her has been going on for years.
Maybe I'll find the right girl one day. So, Chris and JB...consider me highly jealous. But, in a good way. =)
Shane K.
I knew he must have a girlfriend. It just didn't seem quite right for him not to. JB...I do have one question for you. Is this just coincidence or do all girls that are named Katie uber pretty? She's a looker. So, congrats...even if your relationship with her has been going on for years.
Maybe I'll find the right girl one day. So, Chris and JB...consider me highly jealous. But, in a good way. =)
Shane K.
Interestingly, we have yet to hear from Dana after JB's post.
Hmm... maybe he's flabbergasted because he knows Mr. Bayme is right.
Cheers,
JTM
Hmm... maybe he's flabbergasted because he knows Mr. Bayme is right.
Cheers,
JTM
I.Love.You....
In a total non-homosexual way (not that there's anything wrong with it for those of you who are
).As a side, I am quite jealous. This reminds me of my ex, except Katie looks older and better; haha.
On a more serious note though:
I really don't think it's a fan and that this is actually a real photo. I'm very shocked however that it took Bayme that long to photoshop it all.
Respectfully,
~David
I must confess, I photo shopped these pictures for JB for a really nice trade. He sent me several Guardians with a really cool hologram on them. I felt guilty so I threw thew them out.
I'm going to have to say No...
Because...
Welll..
I've been with JB for a few months now...
We didn't want to hurt you Dana... We all know how sensitive you are... It was for your good...
Common schnookums... Lets tell everyone...
It's time..
P.S. --The girl in the picture is NOT his GF. A family relative of some sort, maybe a cousin...
Keenan<3
Because...
Welll..
I've been with JB for a few months now...
We didn't want to hurt you Dana... We all know how sensitive you are... It was for your good...
Common schnookums... Lets tell everyone...
It's time..
P.S. --The girl in the picture is NOT his GF. A family relative of some sort, maybe a cousin...
Keenan<3
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