Another request for a critique

[Sam Hardy]

I watched it and, as a Derren Brown fan, picked up on a lot of the techniques and suggestions used throughout the video.

Has the choice made by the spectator actually got anything to do with Cardio-Cerebral Behaviour at all?

PM me if you'd like.

 

[sammyjankis]

Since you asked for honesty, I'll be honest. I didn't really like it. I really hate to say that because you obviously put a lot of time and thought into it an I hate telling anyone that I didn't like something they labored over. So, I'll try and elaborate a little and maybe it will be helpful.

First, let me give a little background that will help explain some of my issues. Though I do magic as a hobby, I'm not a professional (as in, I very rarely don shows for money). I'm a Multimedia Developer. This means I do still photography, video production, graphic design, etc. Thus, in the same way (as others have noted) that I will probably have a different reaction to your piece because they have a working knowledge of magic, I will also have a very different reaction than a layman in regard to how your piece was produced.

I'm familiar with Derren Brown's work (mostly cursory, I'm no expert), so I definitely see some of the techniques you're going for. I'll leave that to your own tweaking. My problem was more the aesthetic and general flow of the piece. Useful or not, I think the blue strobe needs to go. I know a number of people (including my girlfriend) who are very sensitive to strobes. They would never be able to watch this (I'm not sensitive to them at all, but by the end of my viewing, it had even gotten to me). If you're trying to make something that could bo shown to the largest possible audience, the stroby would need to go.

I also think it's a bit too long. I know it takes time to plant suggestions, but if people get bored, they stop paying attention and then you've lost them. I know this would mean a complete overhaul, but I would say it really needs to be half as long.

Ok, on to the overrall aesthetic. The first thing I would suggest is to choose a different font. Since so much of its success is based on quick reading, you need the most legible font you can find. The simpler the better (while still keeping some style). Also, overlapping words, useful as suggestion or not, looks amateurish.

The images you are using could use a little work as well. Let's take the circular object for example (is that a picture of an eye with the colors inverted). You should crop it out of it's original image so that the black corners don't show up when it's over a blue background (or drop the blue background). Both it and the lightning should be high enough resolution that they don't pixelate when blown up. Also with the lightning, finding a high res image would let you crop it however you need so that it never appears 'squished'. All these things look a little, as I said, amateurish, to me.

You actually have a very good voice for this and you do a nice job with your inflection. Kudos in that department.

Just for the record, I didn't see the original, but on the revised version, I ended up with the 3 of clubs.

Again, I hope I don't offend you with any of this. This is purely my opinion, and I hope some of it is helpful. As I said about the length, anything that distracts your viewer is going to decrease your chances of effectiveness. So pretty much all of my critiques are things that I think could/would distract a viewer and pull them out of the piece. In no way is anything I've said intended to be insulting or disparaging. If any of it comes off that way, I really apologize. You've put a lot of thought and effort into this and I would love to see it work every time. Best of luck, and I look forward to your next video.

Jack

 

[OwnerM]

No offense taken at all, sammyjankis!

In fact, this kind of critque is exactly what I am looking for. It's obviously not working and I need to know why.

Strange thing is that I've been doing stage hypnosis for almost eight years, and I did put in some of my induction techniques (hence the voice, thank you, btw, ) as well as Derren Brown's techniques. So I do know a little bit about implanting subliminal images, just that this is kind of different than what I am used to.

Anyway be that as it may, I'll take your critisms to heart and discuss them here, without offense, so I can improve and maybe we can all learn together. So no need to apologize, please.

The strobing was something I was considering dropping. It is to simulate a steady pulse, like a heartbeat. I actually use it in the hypnosis induction videos I make. But in that case, it adds to the certain style of induction that I tend to use a lot. However, in this case, I wasn't sure if it was too much or not. If it's too much, then it can be dropped easily. To be honest, I wasn't sure I should've included it.

As to the length, I would agree also. I actually tried to get it under four minutes, so I have to redo some of my speech to do that.

The font is easily dealed with as well. I went for something fancy so that the person has to concentrate a little more on the screen, also, it had a red shading that also, hopefully, did some subliminal work. (Also, it match the font on my other two magic videos, but that really doesn't matter. )

I'm not sure where I overlapped words. I know I did once on purpose, but that was to "meld the words together" as it were. If that isn't what your refering to, I'll have to look at it again. If it is, well, maybe I can do a different effect.

The circular object was just me Photo Pro-ing a white circle with a red electricty in it. I was going for something that kind of looks like a heart but doesn't. Honestly, when it comes to creating graphics I am an amateur. I'm not good with actually drawing so and I didn't want to use other people's material, but maybe I should find some free clip art that I can substitute for that.

I'm better, though no professional, in video and photography, but I couldn't think of a real life photograph I could take to represent this.

I would like to ask this: I am beginning to think that this effect would work a lot better if I just take away the cards at the end. It seems that either I have the order wrong, or maybe it's going by too quickly, or what, but maybe if I just went "Think of a card NOW!" and then showed the final result, it would work better.

Thank you all for your help. I hope you will continue to help me with this and maybe we can all learn something together.