Critique My Website

[tokyoUW]

I definitely don't mind critiques, ask anyone. I just don't like a condescending attitude.

You are right, and I apologize for the attitude if it seemed condescending.

However, let me just mention this. I see and understand what you are trying to do with your website. I understand, because I have made the same mistakes in the past.

To put it simply, you are trying to do too many things with the site that contradict each other. The various elements on your site (content, grammar, vocabulary use, photographs, etc...) are elements that achieve contradicting goals.

This is just an example, but it would be like if I handed my business card to a potential client who was going to higher me as a professional translator, and that client went to view my website, but saw that it also had all of my information for being a professional magician. As a client, I would be put off.

Now, even though your site is entirely about your magic, the way the information is presented is in fact done in a very friendly "my space-ish" type manner. That being said, if you are trying to build a site that is basically just a bio, then great, but since you have booking information and actual price listings, then as a potential client, I would have serious doubts about the investment I was considering making.

The reason for this is, the photographs are done in a very casual setting, some of which have you with cut-off sleeves, and there are no shots of you doing what seems to be a paid performance.

As for your written content, and I do not mean to sound condescending, but, you do have several grammatical mistakes, run-on sentences, etc... I am an English teacher at a university in Tokyo, and am a professional writer (in Japanese, but professional nonetheless), so I do know what I am talking about here. And because of that, it gives a very "amateur-ish" feel to it.

Thus, this is my advice. I like the fact that you have a very friendly and personal website showcasing your journey and accomplishments as a magician, but all things related to professional bookings and prices, etc... should be done on a separate site.

For example, under your "bookings" tab, have one sentence that simply re-directs people to your "professional site".

Trying to put everything into one simple site, although hard to resist, really needs to be avoided, as it will only hurt you in the end.

 

[ZacEckstein]

You are right, and I apologize for the attitude if it seemed condescending.

However, let me just mention this. I see and understand what you are trying to do with your website. I understand, because I have made the same mistakes in the past.

To put it simply, you are trying to do too many things with the site that contradict each other. The various elements on your site (content, grammar, vocabulary use, photographs, etc...) are elements that achieve contradicting goals.

This is just an example, but it would be like if I handed my business card to a potential client who was going to higher me as a professional translator, and that client went to view my website, but saw that it also had all of my information for being a professional magician. As a client, I would be put off.

Now, even though your site is entirely about your magic, the way the information is presented is in fact done in a very friendly "my space-ish" type manner. That being said, if you are trying to build a site that is basically just a bio, then great, but since you have booking information and actual price listings, then as a potential client, I would have serious doubts about the investment I was considering making.

The reason for this is, the photographs are done in a very casual setting, some of which have you with cut-off sleeves, and there are no shots of you doing what seems to be a paid performance.

As for your written content, and I do not mean to sound condescending, but, you do have several grammatical mistakes, run-on sentences, etc... I am an English teacher at a university in Tokyo, and am a professional writer (in Japanese, but professional nonetheless), so I do know what I am talking about here. And because of that, it gives a very "amateur-ish" feel to it.

Thus, this is my advice. I like the fact that you have a very friendly and personal website showcasing your journey and accomplishments as a magician, but all things related to professional bookings and prices, etc... should be done on a separate site.

For example, under your "bookings" tab, have one sentence that simply re-directs people to your "professional site".

Trying to put everything into one simple site, although hard to resist, really needs to be avoided, as it will only hurt you in the end.

What do you think about the changes I made? I tried to take what you said into consideration and made it more professional. Is it up to par now?

 

[sky_lark]

The new site looks much better! My original recommendations did not take into account that you were looking to become a magician-for-hire and make money off it. You should try and take more professional photos, add in more show information, etc.

I would also recommend placing Show Prices in the Booking Information page. Include summaries of each event.

Good job!

 

[Chris W]

I personally like it much better. The pictures are better (although as you perform, you can still get better ones). And I think the biography is better. Not too shabby.

 

[ZacEckstein]

Cool, thanks guys!

 

[RickEverhart]

Zac,
The best way to get professional photos free is to "barter" with a camera man who may be at the event you are performing at.

For example: I had over 40 professional photos taken at a wedding reception that I was performing at. I gave the photographer 1 paid gig for an hour in return.

These were nice shots that she took of me.

www.everhartmagic.com

Check them out if you want.

 

[ZacEckstein]

Zac,
The best way to get professional photos free is to "barter" with a camera man who may be at the event you are performing at.

For example: I had over 40 professional photos taken at a wedding reception that I was performing at. I gave the photographer 1 paid gig for an hour in return.

These were nice shots that she took of me.

www.everhartmagic.com

Check them out if you want.

Actually I ran into a guy who does that professionally at my theatre taking pictures for our local paper. He thought I was pretty good and I think we hit it off well! I am staying in contact with his company and I might do a show in exchange for some professional pictures, similar to your story.

 

[Chris W]

That certainly would be a smart move. Good luck with it.

 

[ZacEckstein]

Thank you good sir.