Judgement Day is foreshadowed
Two psychopaths unleash hell on backyard
By Matthew Sison
Blaine Press
8:51 PM
Earlier this morning, employees of
Theory 13 Inc. witness the destruction of their backyard by the hands of two 50-year-old lady broadway stars pretending to be the acclaimed plunger-manufacturers Dan and Dave Buck. There were several casualties, including the destruction of two Shadow Master Playing Cards and the loss of a purple shoelace.
"It was a nightmare", stated the president of
Theory 13 Inc. Mr. Gard Ians. "Those two old ladies were hacking away at our backyard with their 'ninja swag'. Because of the that incident, I can never use a plunger again".
Eyewitnesses reported the two weirdos were loudly whooping and hollering as they mysteriously destroyed an entire backyard using only paper swords. It was said that the two broadway stars were threatening a man named Chris Kenner. The two psychos screamed, "Kenner! Give us back the purple shoelace and we'll give you back your beloved plunger Linda!"
Police arrested the two senior ladies several hours after the incident. During an interrogation, one of the ladies (the bearded-one) explained, "We needed to fulfill a religious command. What happened was: when the two of us were in bed together, a deep-voice came out of the dark and said: 'Ew! Destroy the back of that yard'. We thought it was God. And so we did His bidding."
Moments later, Mathieu Bich stormed into the interrogation room and said, "Danny, you fool! That was Dan White talking to you!"
In other news, police also arrested two crusty Jalapeno-vendors in Alabama (possible accomplices of the two old broadway stars). The two men stated they were hired by a hitman (acclaimed president of
Young Woman's Club, Jonathan Bayme) to beat a cow to death in a rice field using only two small porcelain figures. Police report it was the first case of a "KNICK-KNACK PATTY WACK".
Trials were postponed due to the judge suffering a shock-induced trauma after watching a magic show performed by acclaimed "Toenail-Clipper-Olympic-Champion" Aaron Fisher. He was also arrested afterwards for charges of breaking the Theory 11.5:
"There are ten basic theories in magic... don't do any of them."
Charges are yet to be announced.